onehundredseventy.

Throwback from May 2009: I still remember the day. I was merely sitting there listening to the guys jabbering about sex, love, video games and whatnot, but my mind was absolutely astray. To the point where it was almost like a movie. Especially when the moment came over me. A type of calming happiness I needed. I took a refreshing deep breath, lifted my eyes off the floor. It's him. Its always been him. That's all I said. They say life does things to you, but I must object and say, you do things to life. At times you calculate it all and it does come out premeditated. Yeah, it makes sense I guess. You analyze it, visualize it, you do it, and your obviously proud of what you've done. You usually hope for the best, but at times you do things without really thinking about them. It's kind of like you were partially blindfolded or something. You don't have any idea about what goes on behind the blinds but you sure think that your on the right path. Yes, people make mistakes, but I've made far too many. So question is, where does this leave me? Who have I become? Did I really make those stupid mistakes all over again? Am I still that same person? Did I calculate this? Or maybe, was I partially blindfolded? I don't seem to know anything anymore. I just walk around, aimlessly through the streets, fearing my next step. I don't know what I did. I didn't want to be here again. I really didn't want to be that girl. I didn't want to feel the need to write this anymore. I didn't want this inspiration, this inspiration which is you, but look at me, here I am.

Whoever said, “You don’t know what you have until gone” is wrong because you know exactly what you have when you have it you just don’t know how much you need it until you can’t have it anymore.