twohundred.

I'm losing all sense of time. I'm giving everything I've got to something that's going to be nothing in the end. I'm all out of good excuses. I'm stuck with this, unless I actually do something about it. I've got no motivation. No reason to do the things I do. I need that. I need a reason, for anything actually. I ruin everything I get my hands on. I mess it up, break it, lose it. Something. It's always something. I can never seem to keep anything that means a lot to me. I'm a procrastinator, I always put off the inevitable until the last minute. And that's whats killing me. I'm just so stressed. I'm running out of words. I cant think of anything when I try. I don't want to become one of those ignorant people who don't seem to care about anything important, but I really think that's what its coming down to. I always say I want something, but when I get it, I simply don't want it anymore. I find out that its nothing like I thought it would be. I'm paranoid by anything bad people say about me. Not because I'm self centered or think people care enough to complain about me. No its because I know the kind of person I am. I want to be organized, and usually I am, at first. But then time starts to fly and I stop caring. Then everything is unorganized and things start to fall apart. And then it repeats. I'm disgusted by human society, yet I'm a part of it. I care what other people think, not just about my appearance. I care if I come off as a nice person, someone they want to be friends with, someone 'cool'. I'm growing up and I don't like it. I never wanted to grow up, not once, and now its happening faster than I thought. I'm going to grow up, become an adult, and soon enough, die. It scares me, a lot. You asked me, so here you go asshole. That's my problem. Satisfied ?

Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.